Every now and then, we are always confronted with situations where we need to choose one out of a million choices; where no matter how we want to choose all the great things that life could give us, but we only need to choose one.
I am in that state right now.
I am in this certain position in my life where I need to choose between doing what I want to do and what I love to do. As far as I could remember I have been in this dilemma for hundreds of years now. I remember a friend told me that I should follow what my heart desires, what I love to do. I remember I said Yes! But still I’m here again.
I don’t know what to do anymore. All I know is that I like making other people happy. I like being praised because I did what they want me to. I want to be recognized because I chose to be like them….
But I am not Happy!
Ever since I was a wee kid, I speak with confidence, with class, with form, with principles and I do not give in to other people’s opinion without giving mine. I have always been frank, outspoken and I argue all the time. Every person I encounter tells me that from the way I speak, they can tell that I do have a strong personality and that I do pay attention to the physical world rather than the intuition. I am interested with facts and data with low or no stain of ambiguity. They say I must become a lawyer because that’s where I fit! Nonetheless, it was never in my plan to be one.
Then I went to science high school. I learned the beauty of science. I love chemistry. I took food technology in college because that’s what I love to do for the rest of my life. No! I never really thought of becoming a food technologist or food scientist. All I dreamed to be is to become a scientist. When I was a kid, I fantasized myself wearing a pure white long lab gown, mixing colorful chemicals, creating different products. Since I love both food and chemistry, I chose food technology.
Friends from college witnessed how I love becoming a certified food technologist. I love it and it has always been my dream to work in a food industry or establish my own food business. That was always the plan. I had it all planned out.
Then I was diagnosed with cancer.
My family blamed my job for it. No matter how I tried to convince them that it’s not my job but how I abused my health, still they don’t want me to pursue my dream. They wanted me to take up Law instead.
And so I enrolled to law school.
I scrapped my dream of becoming successful in food science and took up law. The dumbest part of it all was that I decided to forget everything about food technology and whenever my law professors, or friends ask me about food, I don’t want to answer them for I do not want to miss that part of me. I bottled up that part of myself and packed it away, the thing I was so passionate about.
In the course of my law life, I succeeded in learning to love it not because I started to love the life of a lawyer but because I found very good friends. I stayed because of them and because bf love seeing me becoming a lawyer.
Then this day came. I found out that I failed in my Labor Law subject. I am kind of depressed because I don’t want to disappoint the people who want me to become a lawyer but felt sort of wonderful at the same time because it is somehow an eye opener to me that lawyering is not really my line.
I don’t know what to do now. I don't know what to do about it. Guess I have more weighing to do this time; making my family happy at one hand and pursuing my dream on the other hand. *sigh*
OR I'll just mop over my failure for a month or more wishing that lady luck will be on my side anytime soon.
Wish me luck guys. I wish I'll choose the right path for me this time.
